Why yes, that is the passage describing the wall in the Exorcist 2.
If I had seen this movie in 1991, all of the psychic crystal mumbo jumbo probably wouldn’t have seemed as horrible. Wait, it probably would have.
Side note: The trailer for this is mostly footage of I, II, and III.
Ok, so this time around, Satan’s spawn is a little girl who tries to suffer from bitchy resting face. She’s your typical mute daddy’s girl who happens to be really good at killing people who piss her off. Each kindergarten scene is just gold, and the only reason this gets two stars.
Another side note: Did you know that there is an Omen wiki?
But wait, what’s this?! Ok, so that’s a wacky lil’ twist. Chimera’s are always tricky, but they usually don’t get into uterine implantation. Also, why can’t Satan be a girl? Hmph!
Last side note: You may have guessed based on the other side notes, I don’t remember too much about this film. That may, or may not be on purpose.
Corey says:
Usually, once a venerable series such as the Omen franchise hits the TV film adaptation part of its life, you can pretty much rest assured that the film is going to shit the bed. It’s going to be directed and written by people who don’t have any connection to the original film (and it’s entirely possible they haven’t seen it), and they hire actors off the street like rich folk do with Mexican day workers.
“Hey, I need a child to play the antichrist! Anyone here do that?”
“Well, I’m a little girl that cried in a commercial once.”
“You’ll do!”
It almost feels like the writers of IV used a dartboard as their major creative outlet.
“Ok, we need a protagonist” Throws dart.
“Perfect! New Age psychic nanny! And she can take the antichrist to a…..” Dart.
“Wacky psychic bullshit fair! Where the antichrist….” Dart.
“Sets all this shit on fire, because even SHE knows this plot is crap!”
The strange part about this movie is that it totally sucks, BUT the ridiculous bullshit parts almost make it worth watching. Setting stuff on fire for no reason? Cool. The girlchild is actually holding a fetus that she impregnates into her mom that is actually, really the antichrist? That could have been the stuff of movie legend.
If only it wasn’t a stupid bullshit made for TV movie.
Salty says:
Oh those antichrists, they’re popping up all over the place. You take three movies and do away with Damien Thorne in a half-assed ending and then BLAM a new bringer of the apocalypse shows up to be adopted by some other up and coming political family. Sound like a remake? Well it’s not… okay, it sort of is, in that the plot hits a lot of familiar marks: an adopted baby grows up and doesn’t seem to fit in with the other kids and the mom starts to suspect that something is unholy, but the dad thinks she’s just overreacting and then mom gets pregnant and fears for the safety of her new child so she hires a detective (who wanders into a musical before getting killed by a possessed wrecking ball), and there are Rottweilers, and politics and upside-down crosses (good for a drinking game) and Latin songs about the devil, etc. So… it’s a remake? Nope, the film acknowledges the original three films, eventually explaining (not that you’ll care by the time they get to it) that our new hellion is in fact Damien’s daughter, who bears the structurally similar name Deidra York.
What little fun there is to be had is brought by the attempts to modernize the original film, like the scene where the cast takes a trip to the new age medicine circus. That’s right, it’s a whole circus for hippies with phrenologists, palm reading, magic crystals, patchouli and clowns (there are a lot of clowns in this movie for some reason, they don’t really contribute to the plot or anything, they’re just around). Yes, all of the worst parts of a circus in a single place, which may seem like a bad idea until the antichrist shows up and sets the whole thing on fire. Thanks antichrist! How else are you going to try to win my heart? By telling some Jehovah’s Witness’ that they suck and ripping up their crappy pamphlet? You’re the best!
But killing stinky con-people and dissing blood-hoarders is not all this new antichrist has to offer. Even though she is only eight or something (I have no idea how old any kids are by sight) she takes a punch to the face from the local fat kid without breaking a sweat. Instead of crying about it she keeps her cools and gets her revenge by convincing the bully to climb a random ladder and piss his pants– that’ll show you, woman beater! Then she carves “Krug” into his chest and rapes him and kills him…wait that’s not right… but she does kill his dad. Nobody really talks about it though.
So she’s into women’s rights, and against carnies and Christian cults are you ready to pledge your allegiance to the dark master? Well, don’t waste your time, because - SURPRISE! - she’s not the antichrist! What!?!? Yeah, she’s just Damien’s daughter who was born with the antichrist in her prenatal womb and rather than give birth to it herself, there are a series of injuries that allow the evil family doctor to extract the embryo and implant it in her adopted mother without her mother’s knowledge. So the real antichrist is not Deidre, but instead it is Deidre’s adopted mother’s son, who we think is Deidra’s little brother, but is actually this weird incest baby who is actually Deidra’s kid, and still her actual brother, because Damien, the guy we thought was the antichrist before, but turned out not be (because he lost), is Deidre’s dad! The genealogy tree just has some wavy lines here.
That’s really the plot.
| Maire | Corey | Salty |
|---|---|---|
| ☆☆ | ☆☆ | ☆ |
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