Our little spawn of Satan is growing up nicely. He has a friend, does well at military school, and is finally getting his minions more under his control. Heck, his entrepreneurial vision would make even today's Republicans weep tears of joy. But alas, those pesky daggers keep showing up. However, this is Lil' Satan, and he's not going to let a dagger even think of getting near him.
This movie has some awesome deaths if only for their randomness. That guy who won't go along with the new agricultural plan? Have him fall through the ice and die. Someone else in the company acting fishy? Chemical spill. Meshach Taylor Figure out your secret? Cut him in half with a elevator cable!
So to sum up, good random deaths, not so awesome storyline.
Also, my last paragraph is actually at the end of this post (I totally didn't write it, but I'll ride the tide).
Corey says:
Finally, a fucking kid that can fucking act. Jesus CHRIST, how many fucking movies with doe-eyed doped up scene killers did we have to watch before we found one that didn’t shit the bed? Sheesh.
Anyway, I think the guy who directed II must’ve had a rough time with puberty. First, we start off with a 12 or 13 year old boy. Some dude gives him a book to read (The Bible, or The Hair Down There? You be the judge), and then he finds his first pube (or the 666 on his head, but hey, this is my damned story). After that, he’s unsure of himself. Will he be the same person he was? Will he turn into some sort of testosterone (or Satanic, whatever) beast?
Further in the film, he tries to talk about his problems with his cousin. Maybe he’s going through the same thing! But when Damien pulls out his hairy wang, the kid’s all like “ew, gross, get away from me!”. So in a testosterone fueled (or Satanic, once again) rage, he beats this kid to death (or explodes his brain). Looks like raging hormones wins the fight once again!
Also some dude gets trapped under some ice and drowns, and then another dude gets crushed by a train. Those scenes were pretty cool, I guess.
Salty says:
If I could choose to watch any part of the Antichrist’s life, it would be the part where he finds out what he is. What would it be like to find out that the purpose for your existence is to bring an end to all things? And to find out in the midst of puberty no less! Hey Sally, do want to go neck? I just found out that I’m the devil’s son – no big deal. Plus, my mustache is really coming in. It’s the perfect time to find out that you are not only able, but expected to commit any sin you want, especially if you are in military school and there are no chicks around. Unfortunately for Damien’s budding libido, Lance Henriksen steps in and gives him the same speech Uncle Ben gives Peter Parker: with great power comes great responsibility.
Still the movie is good and unexpectedly stark. Apparently, there are consequences to trying to bring about Armageddon. For one, people are out to kill you, but fear not, magical daggers are hard to come by and evil forces have seen to it that they are buried deep in ancient rock… Oh, the powers of good still got the daggers and they found a sweet fresco. Well whatever. The Antichrist has bigger things to worry about, like taking field trips to factories and going ice-skating. He’s got normal teenager problems, like getting picked on for being from a powerful family (ooh that stings! Fortunately, none of the other kids find out that his mother is a dog) and being forced to give his best friend a brain aneurysm after his true identity is revealed (that’s normal, right?). This is the day-to-day life of Lucifer Jr.
Damien does get some benefits. A somber choir performs a cover of a Fantomas song every time he does something Antichrist-y, which includes, but is not limited to getting back at anyone that pisses him off, repercussion free. Plus, he has a built-in group of dedicated friends, though, to be fair, they seem more interested in furthering him on his journey to kill god’s creation than playing paper, rock, scissors and stuff (however, Lance Henriksen is really good at that game where you stab a knife between your fingers as fast as you can). And he has his animal posse, which now includes some crows that hate eyeballs in addition to his canine brethren. The best part, however would be answering to the duties of the job: riding horses (because the Antichrist is rich) willing people dead (it’s not Rube-Goldberg contraptions this time!) and burning down a museum (which I am sure many teenagers would love to do, because teenagers think museums are boring. Because teenagers are dumb).
Overall, the movie is a very interesting take on the ups and downs of what this young man’s life would be. The only drawback is that by this point an Omen III is clearly already in the pipeline, so you are reminded that this is the interesting chapter in an otherwise slow-paced and dry story. Of course, if you are following the series chronologically, you may be thinking that the series is really starting to get warmed up and that the next installment is going to go all the way and blow your mind - *spoiler alert* it’s not.
| Maire | Corey | Salty |
|---|---|---|
| ☆☆ | ☆☆ | ☆☆☆ |
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